10th of november 2012

hey its been like awhile since ive blog about my life, but everything is messed up atm. friends that i thought i was good with thinks im a rat and everything, i dont know what i did wrong. But im so glad that no one got hurt or anything. i hope belinda is okay too since everyone said she kinda started everything. i believe whatever she says actually. i never doubted her for a second. it was a misunderstanding about everything. yeah im drunk as fuck atm but i still have some sense to speak the truth about what has happened tonight. there was a party and i was invited. i went and sunny came along cause he was apparently invited and all so we went. went and had the best time til i got called for something. i knew i didnt do anything so i went, after they call all of my boys to come and i thought something was happening and a guy came and asked if i was andy ta and what did i do wrong right? so i answered with the truth ''yes'' so they went with me and like the guy started pushing me through the front so i knew something was going on but i didnt do anything so i just stood my calm and hope to cope with everything that will happen. after all i didnt want anything to happen to my close friends, the friends that i share memories with. so they started asking about stuff and saying we were talking shit about them and i was so confused about everything cause they accused me for saying i talked shit when i barely even know them. i just knew their names but why would you talk shit about someone you dont know at all? cause that is dog as. But i was glad they blame everything on me though. dont want anything happening to my friends. i kinda expected to get stabbed or full beat up but the thing that would keep me happy is that every single one of them was safe no matter what. it might see as if im a good as friend but yet im the fucking worst friend they could have. i somewhat bought them into this and it is my responsibility for what they have done. cause you know what? from the start the oldest always should get the shit and i was the oldest. they all have a future ahead of them. they will become more successful than i ever will. doesnt matter how much i love belinda atm but somewhat get my close friends into shit like this, they are just not worth the time to love. they just dont deserve it anymore. cause why do i have to give so much love to one person and so much shit for my friends? its just not worth it at all. i dont even know why i typed so much. but its just cause whats been happening in my life now. its so shit and i hate it. i do kinda wish i was stabbed and killed tbh. it is something i rather prefer than living. i just wanted to live a normal life where i can have as much fun as i want and the friends that dont think im some fuckhead that talks shit about them. it was all i ever wanted. I just hope you are okay atm belinda. i saw how you punch the fence and all. but i really didnt say stfu to you. i just told sunny to dont talk about it. idk how you got stfu from me though but im sure it was some misunderstanding so its okay if youre super mad at me. ill just take all the blame for the sakes of my friends atm.

Andyy

29th of October 2012

Hey! its been awhile cause i havent been home or didnt have time to blog at all. I thought things were getting better but i was totally wrong. i turn from the happiest guy in the world to one depress kid. My girlfriend cant stop thinking about her ex. Thats why she hasnt been able to give me the love i deserve. i totally understand but im cut cause it took her so long to tell me. ever since that day she said that she saw him. she thinks about him. it was awhile and so what? all the other days til today was a lie? all that love were fake? i dont even know if any of those memories and talk we had was ever real. Im not angry at her, i just cant get angry at her. i still love her heaps. i dont know what to do now though. i want to wait for her. i know shes worth waiting for, a girl like her is rare. Dont want to lose someone like her. When she told me this i was so cut and all i just went outside and started punching the wall. Brick walls. cried my eyes out. felt so shit so i asked for a smoke from a friend. and went for a drive. it calm me down heaps, i felt so much better. Belinda wanted to come over to see how i was doing? or something? i dont want her to come cause she just got good with her parents and i dont this ruining it for her. shes going through a lot already. i dont know what are we now. I just want to see her one last time and talk about this. After today ill just avoid her as much as i can. if youre reading this Belinda, to be honest from the very start i knew something like this would happen. a girl like you wont stay with a guy like me for more than 4 months.  Im sorry for not meeting your expectations, im sorry im not able to make you forget about him last of all im sorry for causing you more trouble :|

Andyy

24th of October 2012

Well to start my day is that i woke up early but felt lazy as fuck to go school :( so i stayed home all day til like 4? and called up sunny and asked where he was, he said shisha and he might go library later so i said ill meet up at library later. I could have went to shisha but i wanted to see how long would it take for belinda to come library for me. usually she would come around 6 but she came around 7 and like yeah i was sad a bit... well a lot cause she spends more time with sunny than me. Cant believe i feel this way though. its been a week and im already jealous? fuck sake man, im like the worst boyfriend ever. yeah could have guessed i ignored her and went outside when she said be right back to everyone. i was upset so i went home. stayed home for a bit and thought about how i acted. how much shit im giving her. then fuck i miss her so much and quickly ran to the library but it was too late. apparently i was 5 mins too late. FUCK MAN, i feel so bad for leaving now. i feel bad cause how i made her feel. im totally the worst boyfriend ever.... she deserve someone better... but i really do love her :( so i cant let her go :( got back to library and then walked to sunnys and talked to belinda through facebook. oh my god at the things she told me. i feel so bad and holy fuck at the things ive done to her. i feel super guilty now. why did i had to be a dickhead. why did i had to act this way. im sorry belinda :( i only wish to make you happy :( i swear from this day on i will never make you upset :( i seriously love you <3 dont leave me D: i promise everything will be better soon :(

Andyy

23rd of October 2012

Well today i woke at like 8:30? I THOUGHT I WAS ALL GOOD FOR SCHOOL AND ALL BUT I GOT SO LAZY :( so i slept til like 10? brush my teeth and all and i saw my grandma :O like usually she would like yell at me but today she didnt. she said nothing at all! like wow its super weird. its not her ya know? well i was in my room the whole time til 11:20 cause my bus comes at 11:29 so i can get to brendans house :D well i got there and we just chilled and talked about stuff thats been happening around us. around 1 is when sunny came over and we just talked and ate :D all i ate was like greens and rice :O no meat and we had the weirdest conversation ever! i think we were talking about how often we jack off.... HAHAH I KNOW ITS WEIRD. to be honest i havent jacked in ages... LOOL and oh my god i didnt say this before. since im not a virgin and all yet, i still want to wait for a few months if me and belinda do it. Cause ya know i dont want her doing it with the wrong person or anything. i want her to love me when she does it, cause it seems like she doesnt love me that much but she does. Maybe cause i dont receive the same amount of love that i give. oh well not everyone gets what they want. Im happy with what i got right now :) i love her heaps! shes the best friend a guy would ever want. i dont get her ex broke up with her.... bored of her? man shes the funniest girl ive known and the most chilled girl :) understanding is what i love most :) anyway getting off track, just hung out today at shisha and pool table :D was fun and all but it got boring cause we always do it D: well today i went library cause yeah belinda needed to study for accounting and chemistry :) so i went there aswell just cause i wanna be around her <3 :D just chilled and i went home early today :D feel so good boy today! woo :) then i just ate heaps and heaps of food and showered :) now watching movies so i can fall asleep :D well ill sleep when this little nigga belinda gets out of my head :) love you heaps belinda! sometimes i wanna call you babe :( BUT IM SO SHY D; so umm goodnight and sweet dreams babe :) you officially slept 5 times on me :( but its cute as :D and i dont lie to you babe <3 i swear :D

22nd of October 2012

So today i woke up at 7:45 which was a good start i guess? i never wake up on time and my girlfriend always calls me fat and lazy cause i mostly wake up at 1-2 ish :( that arse is gonna get it one day, gonna like full lock her down one day and full tickle her til she cries! i swear i will :) but overall i love her so much :) she really makes me happy! like omg it seriously does, today i planned to like not go out at all and just go straight home after my piercing and haircut and do workouts for my abs :D cause i didnt want to see anyone else. not even her, cause of what i felt last night made me dont wanna see her for awhile to see if she really cared for me. Today i did end up going out and i did end up seeing her. Met up with her at happy cup and she said hi to everyone else first and lastly me. i felt so shit when she did that though and what is worse is that she sat next to someone else but not me. so yeah i guess i was mood killed a bit. well a lot. i just kept listening to my music at full blast so i cant hear what they are talking about or anything. They decided to go shisha so yeah i had to go no choice. The walk to shisha was so awkward, me and her didnt talk well basically cause i was ignoring everyone. i walked alone, seems like she didnt care at all. But my friend brendan came to me and said that ''shes scared to ask whats wrong'' i dont know why she would be scared though but oh well i was even more mood killed after that. we got into shisha i sat on the sofa where it could fit 3 people. belinda and sunny was buying the shisha so it was just me and brendan but brendan sat on another sofa, then i was like what if she sat next to me and all? so i decided to like sit on those single sofa so yeah :\ she came and sat on the sofa on my right and was just there silent. to be honest it really did seem like she didnt need me as a boyfriend. we just sat there for awhile and i had a lot of things on my mind and i kept thinking. over and over again, then i decided to sit next to her and talked to her on notes on her phone :) it was nice then we started talking normally again :) i dont know i just cant get mad at her for long. she is my everything at the moment. i dont want to lose her at all. i seriously love you belinda :) youre gonna see this one day but just hope its not anytime soon cause its embarrassing and you have so much to deal with already :( DONT WORRY ILL REMEMBER THAT THE BUS WILL COME AT 4:36 :) LOVE YOU TO BITS :D oh that picture reminds me of how good belinda is and how crappy and old i am :( I DONT KNOW HOW COULD A GIRL LIKE HER FALL FOR A GUY LIKE ME D: BUT I FEEL SO LUCKY :) love you heaps and forever belinda <3

Andyy

21st of October 2012

Life has been an ass to me for awhile now, until this amazing girl came into my life just 3 days ago. Her name is Belinda le. she is so amazing, kind, smart, beautiful and what's the best thing about her is that she loves to talk and she cant stop talking. I love that about her. We have so much in common, like seriously so many things in common that it scares me at times, like I thought I was the only one doing or listening to these weird stuff. I guess I'm not the only weird person in this world :) I see her as a gift, me and her has been so much shit, shit that's been hurting us for a very long time. I do honestly believe we do deserve each other. ill treat her right, better than al my ex's. But even though we love together and just got together, there are some things that has been bothering me, but I'm afraid of the answer. curiosity does kill doest it? But right now I have so much trust in her so I wont bother asking her these questions. what is a relationship without trust right? well let me tell you what is bothering me right now. I don't like how she tells my best friend everything that has been happening to her and not me. Like I'm the boyfriend aren't I? don't I deserve to know what's been going on? tell him everything and make me find out through him, you don't know how much it hurts. I don't like people lying to me. I seriously don't. if you ever do lie, I seriously wouldn't know how to feel. I'm scared when you go parties. what if some guy tries to do something dodgy to you. Yet I don't mind that much. what kills me most right now is that you don't even like talk to me properly. you talk to sunny like no tomorrow  if you like talking to him so much, then he should be your boyfriend. seriously, what's a boyfriend that knows nothing about what's going on with his girlfriends life? I care for you that's why I'm worried and thinking this way. You barely show me that you love me. how do I actually know if you love me. cause Belinda  I really really do love you. with all my heart. can you please try and be okay, cause I'm seriously about to cry if I hear you getting hit by your dad. or you talking to sunny and not me.


Andyy